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Some of you have already sent me kind texts but I feel after bottling it up I should let it out...sorry if this upsets anyone. Let me know and I'll delete it all.:(

I had a call from my sister at 4am on Monday morning.....


My dad at 64 had been diagnosed with a rare type of brain and lung cancer.
It all started when he felt dizzy at home. He had been confined to his lounge chair not being able to move and throwing up violently for 2 weeks as the two doctors that visited him both gave him anti sickness tablets for his ears, saying it was vertigo and it can last for months. The last doctor to visit him called an ambulance as he had lost over a stone!
Dad was admitted to the JR in Oxford. They did a few tests to rebalance him and a blood test. The blood test showed up something else so they scanned his head only to find a large tumour at the base of his brain and a 3 smaller ones elsewhere. When they scanned his whole body they discovered cancer in both lungs and his lymph glands.
Once he was stable and had the correct medicine...We managed to get him out of the JR. A poor patient (obviously not of sound mind) had tried to enter his room so he locked himself in the loo, he couldn't sleep after that! On leaving the JR he was handed the wrong pills to take home.
Dad was too weak to go back and see the brain surgeon for a consultation, so me, my mum and sister had to be told he only has 2 months or a year+ with radiology and chemo and we had to go back home to break the terrible news....
My sister and mum were sleeping on the sofas either side of his bed. He used a zimmer frame we bought from Argos to get to the loo. Dad was on steroids and anti sickness. Comfortable but losing his vision slightly while trying to write. We meet the cancer team to see what they say...
Dignitas was a considered option.


Radiology wasn't worth the pain as it's a 50/50 flip a coin job. 6-8 weeks recovery with some memory loss. Lucky to live that long.
Chemo or radiology. Only two options offered after 2400 years of cancer first being documented.....I'm not a fan of the slow pace of cancer research.
The internet is full of people trying to find a herbal or vitamin cures like my mum and sister. My dad was hopeful at one point. I've got to say it's not out there, but if it makes anyone hopeful please try it. We did.
He was on his bed down stairs looking out the window making plans for his funeral. Even played me the hymn he'd chosen. Have the funeral director coming Wednesday but he cancelled and Sobel house nurse Tuesday.
So so sad I had to watch him slip away.
Dad was a very hard working intelligent businessman who ran his own company for over 30 years. Started out with only a few pounds for stationary in his front room and ended up with 3 warehouse units and 40 staff, sold it to retire 4 years ago. Cared for his staff and family gave them help if they needed anything. Took 3 members of the family on when they lost previous jobs along the way.
Dad was an honest decent man who ALWAYS did the write thing. He said he had no regrets and had worked hard for his family. You could ask him anything about anything and he'd know it. I said to my sister he was like a walking "Google".

He passed away 7th July after only 8 weeks.


My mum and sister helped him the whole way without any assistance at all (his wish). The drugs were constantly being administered by my sister morning noon and night. He wanted for nothing. They were fantastic.


We have been extremely lucky to have had such an unbelievably fantastic Dad, my mum to have had such a loving husband and my boys to have known a lovely Gramp.


You only get one Dad so drop everything, yes, everything, to be with them.


...It's still killing me inside to type this as I don't know what we are going to do without him...


 

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By the sounds of it he was a great man and a great father shane so its a massive loss. Sorry to here you awful news but i guess at least he is not suffering which to me I've always thought is the main thing irrelevant of age.

Im sure he was proud of all of you and he knows you will look after the family just as well as he did.



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Sorry for your loss mate, it's harder the older you get as you really appreciate what your parents did for you, lost my mum when I was 17 and didn't quite understand , but when my dad went 10 years ago it nearly destroyed me, there's nothing anyone can say to make things better, my friends 3 yr old daughter has just been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, I think the hospitals/doctors really need to up their game diagnosing earlier, as same with your dad they went with wrong diagnosis at earlier stage.
I lived in greece for a long period and seen how they are so family orientated, this rubbed off on me and made me realise a few things, that changed my whole perception of things and I came much closer to my family on my return to UK, thankfully so as the last few years of my dad's life were really great, he used to get embarrassed when I kissed him and told him I loved him lol.
Chin up mate , cherish the memories and keep closer the ones you still have with you.
 

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I lost my Dad a few years ago. It was just short of his 80th birthday. He had been a heavy smoker (and drinker) all of his life. He had suffered several minor heart attacks in the previous years and had been told by the Doctors that if he carried on the same way then he would not last as long as perhaps he might. Anyway, he married a woman that he met on the internet, moved to Bulgaria to live with her (he never learned a word of Bulgarian as far as I know) and carried on in the same old fashion. I never really knew him very well. I guess that I was too pig-headed to be able to see further than my own prejudices. But. We both shared on thing. We both loved listening to the Goon Shows and he loved quoting daft things from the show like "What are you doing in that dustbin, Ned?" (No, even I don't understand that one!)
Well, he died, in Bulgaria and I never had the chance to say goodbye, or to tell him that I really did love him. I didn't go to his funeral but his ashes were sent back home so that my younger brother and sister and I could put him where he always said that he wanted to be.
The point of all of this is, that after we had scattered his ashes at his childhood home in Devon. Which was where he, as a child, had last seen his father (my Grandfather) for the last time, as he went off to the War from which he never returned, we went for a beer to see Dad off. We found a pub overlooking the harbour in Teignmouth and looking up from the beers we saw, painted on the wall of the pub, a parody of a John Masefield poem by Spike Milligan;
I must go down to the sea again,
to the lonely sea and the sky;
I left my shoes and socks there -
I wonder if they're dry?
It was almost as if Dad was having a last chuckle with us. Even now, despite the fact that still I miss him, I am sure that somewhere, his spirit is still having a *** and a pint, laughing at me being sad about him not being there any more.
The sense of loss will not fade but some of the pain will. Remember the good times and enjoy the memories. The Sioux Indians believe that as long as you remember someone, they are not gone. I am sure that they are right.
 

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Our thoughts are with you Shane, and as soon as your up for it we shall have a ride out and meet up in his honour, He would want you back out and enjoying life as soon as possible and not wasting a minute.
 

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At the end of the phone anytime you want mate...........:)

Once again condolences, and your eulogy WILL help like I said.........

Great minds think alike Rick.................with you on the tribute ride out........:clap:
 

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My deepest sympathy for your great loss, Shane. So very sorry to hear your terrible and heart rending news.
Words seem such a flimsy, inadequate thing at times like this. I know all of us who know you wish we could actually do something to help take the pain away.
I hope it helps, even a little, to know that we are all thinking about you and your family at this sad time.
Peter.
 

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Hi Klink, sorry to hear your sad news you have done the right thing putting down your thoughts and sharing them with your friends on the Forum. Every day will be hard but sharing your thoughts and talking to others is the first small step to help your grief.
its not until someone close dies that you realise how much you miss them. It was good that your Mum and Sister looked after him in those last few weeks it's good to have family with you in your last days. Me and many others are thinking of you and your family at this sad time.
 
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Likewise Shane I'm sorry for your loss and like others have been there . Father died when I was 18 , went to work and he was fine but came home to find he was near death due to an embolism . Mother died back in 2010 and stayed with her until the end then had to go home and get three hours sleep before going onto work and do my job . precious moments are there in my mind and I miss my mum as she appreciated the Benelli thing . Best Wishes to your closest family in time of bereavement .
 
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