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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
PIcture the scene.... hot bird invites you out for a few drinks and a meal followed by another few drinks.. perfect.

On the way home -

"I've got a great idea.. let's go to the 24 hr Asda for some shopping - great. "Oh Baby I would love to wax your balls and ass" - "Yeah Hunni great idea, hic, bring it on, if that's what you want :-S

Back home and plied with another couple glasses of wine.

"Baby, bend over and take your trousers down on front of the fire"

(This is the bit where it all goes wrong and a bit fuzzy)

Oh my god.

1: stop drinking so much
2: stop listening to women - no matter how hot they are.

End. :bawl:
 

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N33ly, FFS man, what the hell are you doing? First of all, never show your ring piece to a hot chick, that's where you poo from and where girls like to stick their fingers if the get half a chance:doh: This is usually followed by a clean slice across said ring piece due to a rather long and manicured nail missing it's target first time around:rolling: There is also a good chance that you may fart in her face due to the alcohol having an adverse affect on your farter. The sound of her gagging as she accidentally breathes in your particles of shite that has been blown across her face is not pretty. You can bet your bottom dollar that a diddy ride is out of the question after that:D

Next time you get one of these hair brained, half baked ideas to do something silly then phone me so that at least I can piss myself laughing at your short and curlies being wrenched from your sack 'n crack. And if they tell you that lemon juice and vinegar will stop the pain, swiftly punch them in the face and get out of there:rolling:

Al:rolling:
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Next time you get one of these hair brained, half baked ideas to do something silly then phone me so that at least I can piss myself laughing at your short and curlies being wrenched from your crack Al:rolling:
I tried Al but your phone was engaged... you were probably on the phone to Rhona :rolling:
 

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I tried Al but your phone was engaged... you were probably on the phone to Rhona :rolling:
Ahhhh, the lovely Rhona:bow: Just to let you lads know that N33ly has fantastic taste in women. Ain't that right matey;) ;)

Al:D
 

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Fyule
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N33ly, WTF:confused: :confused: :confused:

go to one of those special parlours for a back, sack and crack, but if a damn fine filly crossed my path she would be the one getting told to bend over in fron to the fire!

yeah, don't drink so much..........singed hair smells odd
 

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kwik get the ice!

Neil, I know the feeling only too well :eek:
A few years ago an old flame talked me into letting her immac my family jewels with the promise that she'd flick her tongue round them like the eternal flame and give the best bj in the history of the world.
well who'd say no to that especially after a few cheeky vimto's ;)

it started well until she piled a dollop right round my richer and then told me it had to stay on for half an hour :eek:

I wasn't too bad up to 15 mins (a bit warm) but then my spuds and rusty sherrif's badge started to burn up, I had sweat pouring outa me and I felt a right idiot stood in the bathroom with 1 leg up on the bath trying to get a bit of air round my bits to cool them with her laffing her head off :mad: .

I ended up jumping in the shower as cold as it'd go to swill it off, that was when I caught a glimpse of the twins, poor buggers!, they looked like two embers straight outa the fire and my ringer was that burnt it was all puckered up and looked like a poppy (bright red n black in the middle)

She said she miss read the instructions :rolleyes:

needless to say I was in too much pain for any sort of nookie and I couldn't shite proper for a week, I could have bloody strangled her :mad:


NEVER AGAIN!

 

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Holy crap!!! This seems to be more common than I thought:doh:

Anyone else care to come clean and admit to getting their bits waxed or burned off by a member of the opposite sex:confused: :rolling: :rolling:

You bloody weirdos;) :rolling: :rolling:

Al:D
 

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I expect you to cry mr bond

Al mate....It's the most painful thing I've ever been through but I swear, once theyv'e calmed down and their totally bald you can't help yourself, you sit there stroking them like some pervy bond baddie :D
seriously though think twice before trusting a bird with immac a razor or hot wax :rolleyes:
 

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Benelli Wannabe !
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Al mate....It's the most painful thing I've ever been through but I swear, once theyv'e calmed down and their totally bald you can't help yourself, you sit there stroking them like some pervy bond baddie :D
seriously though think twice before trusting a bird with immac a razor or hot wax :rolleyes:


mmmmmm, have you heard Al's Sean Connery voice ! ;)



actually, we have a customer who comes in our place who we call Short Connery.................... for obvious reasons ! :D




:rolling:




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Fyule
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and if you have a wife, don't even let her think about it.......mind you what would the chances be anyway!! A straight forward sh*g would be nice now and again:rolleyes:
 

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Not quite the same but when I moved into this house I had a few bevvies in me and went out for a smoke in my towel robe and lit up with my zippo and as usual flicked the zippo closed off my leg, only to realise that said towel robe had caught fire and I sprinted across back garden tearing off robe and shaking it violently to extinguish it only to my horror to see the lovely old couple next door staring out of their kitchen window at me smouldering away butt naked with no eyebrows left god only knows what they thought of their new neighbours, and wife pissed herself when I came back in smelling of singed hair minus any facial hair!:rolling:
 

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this forum kills me:rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling:

you got hair to keep you warm in winter!!!,NOT to indulge the S and M fantasies of the opposite sex(mind if they want it doin i'm a dab hand with the old gillette sensor excell!!!!):D
 

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PMSL :rolling: :bawl: :rolling: :bawl: :rolling: :bawl: :rolling: :bawl: :rolling:
been reading thru this thread, choking and spluttering with laughter, tears running down. Great reading :clap:
 

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Sweet lord, what has this forum been reduced to?;)

I've had Ralgex sprayed onto my sack after I'd passed out during a night on the sauce once. I was lying sleeping when I could hear a psssssssssst noise coming from somewhere. I woke up when I heard everyone laughing and it was only about ten seconds later that I realised that my nuts were roastiing hot. I desperately tried to find something to cool them down and ended up filling my mates good coffee mug up with cold water and plonking my meat and two veg in it:rolling:
I thought I was gonna pass out and my mate flipped out because he'd got the mug with an easter egg that his girlfriend had bought him.:rolling:

Ahhhh, the joys of youth combined with lager and cider:D

Al:D
 

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Having played Rugby as a loose head prop in South Africa, Wales and more recently in the Yorkshire dales I can atest that "deep heat" cream has the best effects in melting the scrotal sack.
Either sneak into oposition changing rooms and apply to undies, or a more practiced approach is to have some in the pocket of your shorts and during a scrum apply to finger and rub into oponents balls - usualy has the desired effect.
 
G

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Having played Rugby as a loose head prop in South Africa, Wales and more recently in the Yorkshire dales I can atest that "deep heat" cream has the best effects in melting the scrotal sack.
Either sneak into oposition changing rooms and apply to undies, or a more practiced approach is to have some in the pocket of your shorts and during a scrum apply to finger and rub into oponents balls - usualy has the desired effect.

:eek: :eek: :eek: GOOD GOD :eek: :eek: :eek:
 
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